bloggity blog, Mother Fucking Rant

Kegel kitty is here to help you

This is gonna be a weird post. I’m not gonna fucking lie. And don’t think because you have a penis this doesn’t apply to you… kegels are SO important.

I will try not to weigh you down with mumbo jumbo and I will just give you straight facts.

Kegel exercises strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. All you really have to do is clench/hold/release.

Why are these important?

Simple.

Because your pelvic floor muscles are the muscles that act like a net to hold in your internal organs.

These muscles can be weakened from any number of things… child birth, weight gain, genetics, age, gravity being a bitch, fate deciding that you need some extra excitement in your life, acrobatic and interesting sex… so many things…

So… what happens if you don’t do your kegels? Maybe nothing… maybe your internal organs fall out (prolapse) … it’s a roll of the dice really… if you don’t believe me, Google image search prolapse uterus or prolapse anus… trust me, you will want to do your fucking kegels erry day…

****WARNING**** DON’T ACTUALLY GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH THIS! YOU CANNOT UNSEE IT! PLEASE JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!

So, how can you prevent this horrendous thing from happening to you? Also simple. About 3 times a day just squeeze/hold/release your pelvic floor muscles. In the begining, hold for 5, release for 5. Do a set of 10 squeezes. And gradually increase the duration…

But what the fuck do you mean, Amberley!? I hear you scream… so… you know when you are really busting to go to the loo/toilet, so much so that you need to hold it in? Thems the muscles you want to squeeze. If your butt cheeks clench you are doing it wrong. Think… around all your fun bits. That’s where you squeeze…

One website I saw actually suggested sticking your finger in your arsehole and then squeezing to be able to figure out what to do here… I really don’t think that is fucking necessary. I mean… if you want to, fucking go for it! No judgement. But… I think it is a bit extreme. I mean, I know where my arsehole is without having to stick my finger into it, you know what I mean…

If you are terrible at remembering things like this (doing the exercises, not where your poop comes out of) try doing it at every stop light on your way to work or downloading a cool app called Kegel Kat… (no sponsorship) available on all the things and is free.

What lead me to do this post? Cause I fucking love you guys! And I really don’t want you to have your internal organs fall out of your buttholes… simple.

Kisses!!!!!

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65 thoughts on “Kegel kitty is here to help you”

  1. I really feel like you care about me and my health so much, LemonySugar… It’s so touching that you care so much about my insides. You really feel it’s what’s inside that counts, and you’re too right! You’ve also saved me countless hours of making my analog digital, so to speak. Thank you for your care and love and bedside manner!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Lmfao
      I really do care. I care about you and all the peeps. I care about peeps’ insides and outsides and their insides staying inside. Especially that.
      I have met too many peeps that I have had outtie innards… it’s not a pleasant experience from what I have heard.
      Do your kegels. Do them now. Kisses and kegels.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for the Physiotherapy tips, and all the instructions. I’ll be doing my push ups and sit ups soon, then taper off with some tummy rolls, followed by some time neck, back and groin stretches. Feeling fitter, but still a few inches to loose, tummy inches that is😊. Keep it up, with your Kegels 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “Greater love hath no woman….” than to explain what kegels are and why they are so necessary! 😉

    Thank you lemons…. i think??

    P.S. I am SO taking your word for it. I have a vivid imagination as it is.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Lol yes it is because I love you guys…
      You’re welcome… yes… you may thank me… 😉
      I’d say think of my when you do your kegels but… that’s a bit strange… so probs don’t think of me but definitely do your kegels.
      xxx

      Liked by 2 people

  4. OMG!!! I can’t believe you and I have not had this conversation before! First… (*kisses you and hugs you tight… while doing the kegels*) LOL!

    Love you so much for this post! You are on another level of raw wit. This, my SugaryLemonCustard, is a gift you posses that is all you. I laughed, I cried… I blushed and was horrified all at once. I know far too well the seriousness of this! LOL.

    Thank you for you and for your wonderful love and care. You’re my favorite kind of beautiful!

    All my love, sista!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love you hunny. We will have to chat soon…
      I just get somwtging in my head and I have to warn people about it… it consumes me…
      Love and kisses and warm fuzzies and big cuddles and fairy dust and love and light xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Giggle. Kegels…great word and what a heartfelt post….Reminiscent of all the greats, Kafka, Descartes, Plato, Chris Lilley…all the hilariousest m***** effers.
    Loving on you hard right now 🖤

    Like

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